sitting here on my couch. taking a deep breath. it was a long, but productive day at work. and, ironically, out of all the boring-ness that is my job, a beautiful blog topic came to me. so for that, i am thankful. now, don't let me lose you just yet. i promise not to bore you with bookkeeping and taxes (yes, i know. you are oh-so envious of my job :).

so today i started on a task that i had pretty much been procrastinating on long enough. yes, i know you're probably so surprised that i, of all people, would leave something until the last minute {insert sarcasm here}. but i did. and combined with the fact that my client had been dragging their feet as well in getting me what i needed in the first place, this was long overdue. basically, this client has been in a heap of trouble financially. no bueno.

so here they are in this huge mess. vendors are refusing to make deliveries. they're getting collection notices. employees are getting mad because their paychecks are bouncing. you get the picture. we're not in a good place here. it takes FOREVER for me to finally convince them that they need to let me get a handle on this. and once they agree to that, it takes them even longer to get me all of the information i need. from the outside looking in it seems like a no-brainer, right? just let someone else handle it! you clearly can't do it on your own, so let someone help. here i am offering help and they're still dragging their feet.

so they hand me over their mess. and i am not kidding when i say mess. it's just piles of receipts and invoices and statements and collection notices. it's not pretty. they have no idea where they are. who they owe what. or which way is up.



so i take it. i take their pile of mess, and what do i do? i make what looks like an even bigger mess!

i throw away the things that are irrelevant

and then, out of my seemingly bigger mess emerges something that actually looks manageable. something that looks like it could actually be handled. wow.

if you're wondering if there is a point. yes, there is. i'm getting there. be patient.

so as i'm sorting through this disaster that is their accounts payable, i started thinking about how this pile of paperwork is exactly like some of the junk in our lives that we KNOW needs some serious intervention, yet we refuse to give it up to god. even though he's there saying "here, i can help you." we say "no" or (like me) we eventually say "yes." but it takes waaaayyy longer to get there than needed. so as time passes, we MIGHT get around to saying, "ok god. i'm going to let you help me" and then we drag our feet a little more. finally we give him what we know we've needed to give him all along and then, sometimes, things get messier. i don't know about you, but in that mess, i've thought "um, hey god! remember how you said you were going to HELP? yeah, this disaster that you call my life doesn't feel very helped."  and in those moments i question god. i wonder, is he really there? does he really have my best interests in mind? but, despite my doubts god ALWAYS manages to come through for me. through that messiness and organizing and re-organizing and getting rid of the fat, something beautiful actually starts to emerge. and of course, i find myself in a place of being humbled (if i ever go missing, that's the first place you should look, i am there far too often) and i say, "wow, god. you really knew what you were doing." (um, duh)

i've gone through this process more times than i can count. and if i know me, i'll keep on going through it. why? because i'm stubborn and imperfect. i'm learning. each time it gets a little easier. the first time was without a doubt the hardest. it was a BIG mess. but god is working on me. and even though it got messy, i wouldn't go back for anything.

maybe you, too, need to give god your mess. all i know is there's a reason i wrote this today. 

maybe that reason is you.